Why We Disconnect from the Body — and Why Befriending It Is Foundational
There is a moment many of us have felt but rarely name: you pause long enough to notice you haven’t actually been breathing deeply for hours. Your jaw aches from clenching. Your shoulders live somewhere near your ears. Or perhaps, more confusingly, you realize you feel…nothing at all.
This is disconnection.
And it is not weakness. It is wisdom.
The body, when overwhelmed by stress or trauma, sometimes decides the safest thing to do is to pull the plug on sensation. Like a circuit breaker protecting the house from overload, the nervous system has its own ways of keeping us safe.
But here’s the catch: what protects you in the moment can also disconnect you from life in the long run. And the journey of healing begins when we learn to befriend the very body that once felt unsafe, so let’s break it down.
Why We Disconnect
The Nervous System’s Role
At the core of disconnection is the nervous system — the body’s surveillance and response network. It constantly scans for cues of safety and danger, adjusting our physiology accordingly. Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps us understand this:
Sympathetic Activation (Fight/Flight): When the body perceives danger, it mobilizes. Heart rate increases, muscles tense, adrenaline surges.
Dorsal Vagal Shutdown (Freeze/Collapse): When danger feels overwhelming, the body may conserve energy by numbing out, dissociating, or disconnecting.
Ventral Vagal Safety & Connection: When the environment feels safe, the nervous system supports regulation, connection, and presence.
Disconnection often arises when sympathetic arousal (fight/flight) or dorsal shutdown (freeze) become chronic states, cutting us off from embodied presence.
The Influence of Trauma
Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you when you lack the resources to cope. For many, staying present in the body during trauma is unbearable. The body, in its wisdom, numbs, dissociates, or disconnects as a way to survive.
Cultural Conditioning
Layered onto biology is culture. We live in a world that rewards productivity, even at the expense of presence. We are taught to “push through” discomfort, ignore fatigue, override hunger, numb pain. Over time, listening inward feels foreign.
Chronic Stress
Even without acute trauma, chronic stress builds similar patterns. The nervous system on constant alert has little space to rest. Over time, the baseline shifts toward dysregulation, and disconnection becomes the default.
The Cost of Disconnection
In the short term, disconnection helps you survive. But in the long term, it takes a toll:
Numbness: Difficulty feeling sensations, emotions, or desires.
Distrust of Self: Doubt in one’s own instincts or decisions.
Isolation: A sense of being cut off from joy, intimacy, or belonging.
Burnout: The body forced to keep going long after signals of exhaustion have been ignored.
Perhaps most importantly: when you disconnect from the body, you lose access to its innate wisdom — the signals that guide you toward safety, balance, and healing.
Why Befriending the Body Is Foundational
The path of healing is not about conquering or controlling the body. It is about relationship.
When you befriend your body, you begin to re-establish trust — trust in your signals, your rhythms, your needs.
Here’s why this is foundational:
1. Regulation Grows in Safety
When the body feels befriended, the nervous system shifts toward ventral vagal regulation. Breath deepens, muscles soften, digestion restores. Safety is not just an idea — it is felt.
2. Connection Deepens
Trusting your body allows you to show up more authentically in relationships. Instead of living behind protective numbness, you begin to access presence, attunement, and intimacy.
3. Aliveness Returns
The sensations of joy, pleasure, creativity, and vitality are only available when we are connected. Befriending the body opens the door to these states.
4. Healing Becomes Sustainable
Quick fixes or “mind over matter” strategies rarely last. But when healing is rooted in embodied trust, the process becomes sustainable and integrated.
How Do We Begin Befriending the Body?
It begins with listening. Noticing. Offering curiosity instead of judgment.
Here are some first steps:
1. Pause and Sense
Throughout the day, pause for a few moments and simply notice: What is here? Sensations, breath, temperature, pressure. No need to change — just acknowledge.
2. Micro-Moments of Safety
Look for tiny practices that signal safety: placing a hand on your chest, lengthening your exhale, humming softly, or grounding your feet. Each small cue reminds your nervous system: It’s okay to be here.
3. Soften the Narrative
Instead of criticizing your body (“Why am I so tired?”), reframe with compassion: “My body is speaking — what might it need?”
4. Invite Playfulness
Gentle movement, swaying, or stretching can create a bridge back to sensation. Play bypasses pressure.
5. Seek Support
Sometimes the journey is best walked with guidance — through somatic therapy, trauma-informed coaching, or group practices where safety is co-created.
A Personal Note: Your Body Is Not the Enemy
It’s easy to see the body as a burden — the tension, the fatigue, the anxiety. But underneath every symptom is an intelligent story of protection. Your body has been doing the best it can with the tools it had.
Befriending your body means recognizing this wisdom, honoring its survival strategies, and slowly inviting new ways of being.
This is not about perfection. It is about relationship.
This is the heart of Session 3 of the Feel Again Series:
“Befriending the Body: Cultivating Inner Trust, Safety & Connection.”
A 3-hour guided somatic workshop where we will:
Explore why disconnection happens
Learn how to gently re-establish trust with the body
Practice somatic tools for safety, connection, and regulation
Share reflection in community
Your body has been waiting for you — patiently, quietly, faithfully. This is your invitation to listen, to befriend, and to come home.
Looking for support ? Curious about how working 1:1 with me looks like?
Email me for a complimentary consult: info@nousahsalimi.com
Much love,
Nousha